A lesson in life

I’ve met Annabel Mehta only once, though I had seen her in the colony a few times. It was in 2001 when I was writing on her and her work with the NGO Apnalaya, for a national daily. But she made a big impression on me.  

For years she has worked with the NGO that strives to better the living conditions of the underprivileged. It also works to educate slum children.

A British national, Mehta met her husband, Anand, when they were studying at LSE, and moved to Mumbai after they got married.

I learnt many things about the NGO and Mehta’s dedication to her work that day, but I distinctly remember this. She said in India you have so many festivals. And for everyone you want a holiday. “I have so many people who work for me, but they’re often on leave. So many of my daughter’s friends say ‘Aunty I want to work with you’. But everyone wants holidays. Today it’s this and tomorrow it’s that. So I won’t be coming to work,” she said.

I never forgot what she told me after this. “I used to have two daughters. And my mother was visiting me for the first time after my younger daughter passed away. But that afternoon, when it was time, I told her I am going to work,” she said.

Seeing Mehta’s picture in Mid-Day yesterday, (she and her husband funded a bone marrow transplant wing at the SRCC Children’s Hospital – which was inaugurated by their son-in-law, Sachin Tendulkar) brought this all back to mind. Perhaps I remember what she said because I was meeting her the year after my sister passed away from complications due to breast cancer. But it stayed with me.

All I could think of when I saw the picture is Mehta’s determination to help other children who suffer from cancer get cured, so another mother does not endure the pain she did.    

I realise now that life, with all its flaws as with its beauty, must be embraced. One cannot choose one aspect of life like I did. Seeing Mehta in the picture made me think of this. She chose to face both the highs and lows in life head on. And stands firm to support others. A lesson in life for me.

Letter to Supriya Sule on the Breast Cancer (Awareness and Free Treatment) Bill, 2017

I read with much interest, The Breast Cancer (Awareness and Free Treatment) Bill, 2017, that you introduced in the Winter Session. While your able assistants may have provided you with perfect statistics on the disease, the Bill has many lacunae. I am therefore writing to point them out to you.

Firstly, I am with you on the awareness aspect of the Bill, not the free treatment. That’s because making this treatment free, will only make it frivolous among the medical fraternity, especially at government hospitals. These patients will not be looked at seriously, because “Woh toh free patient hai”.

Secondly, while cancer is a major threat to thousands of Indians, it is not fair to tax the government solely for one form of it.

More importantly, there already are many schemes, both by the government and non-governmental organisations, to help cancer patients financially. These include the Mahatma Jyotiba Phule Jan Arogya Yojana (Maharashtra); two schemes by the Union Ministry of Family Health and Welfare for poor patients (for those below the poverty line), and every chief minister’s fund. Many hospitals provide free treatment to cancer patients.

The need of the hour is to ensure that these existing schemes reach the poor. For many, the word cancer is enough to lose hope. Poor people, many who are also uneducated, need to be told about these existing schemes. They need to be counselled regarding finances and treatment. Teams of counsellors need to be created for this. You should look at this instead of seeking provision for free treatment.

More than words

I got some disturbing news this morning. One of our neighbours has been diagnosed with breast cancer.

My first reaction was why her? Here’s a woman with two sweet kids, a loving husband, great in-laws and a good career. She’s also someone who regularly exercises. She’s got everything going for her. But if there’s one thing I’ve derived from reading about cancer all these years, is that it can happen to anybody. There are no guarantees that a woman who married on time (ideally her 20s), had kids before age 30, and exercises regularly, will not get it, just as someone who hasn’t done all this won’t get it.

The next reaction was, I want to hug her. Because words cannot express everything.

When tai (my sister) died, I remember I was fed up of words. As a journalist and writer, having held the greatest value for them until then, for the first time, I didn’t want them. I wanted people who came home for condolence to stop talking. To stop mouthing their crappy, shitty words that truly didn’t mean much then, but which they said because that’s what we do in a society when we go to meet people we know, who have lost someone. I wanted them to stop talking because most of them were saying the same things we kept hearing over and over, from different people. I just wanted them to stop talking.

All I wanted, was a hug.

And then a neighbour, about 20-years-old then I think, came over and hugged me and my father. He didn’t say anything. He just gave each of us a hug. Perhaps because he had lost his father to cancer too, he understood? “Better?” he asked after hugging me. For a moment, it was.

Over the years since we lost tai, I have gone through the gamut of emotions. From feeling guilty about living, of breathing, and pushing those who loved me and those whom I loved away, I have done many things. I know I will never heal. But I think I am in a much better place since then. I am a work in progress.

Today’s news stirred up many emotions and memories. I also remembered the hug. I want to tell my neighbour that this is a battle she will win. That we're all there for her.  I don’t know when I will muster the courage to give her a hug. But I want to. Because sometimes you need more than words.